Ra Ba Croosha

One friend that Skye Zanzibar has that hasn’t been mentioned is Jarl, the pilgrim ghost. Jarl Andersson came to the Unites States in 1623 and then he died with his whole family from diseases. One was called pox and that’s what Jarl died from. Not chicken pox, that make you itchy and covered with dots, but pox that fills you with sickness and gives you a case of the death.

So, in 1923, three hundred years to the day after Jarl died a man with magic, named Jimmy Blossombottom did a séance with some rich folks who wanted to contact their loved ones “on the other side” (dead). Well, poor Jarl Andersson got raised instead of the rich relatives. Jarl became a ghost that wanders around the east coast of the good ‘ol USA. Jarl is serious and dresses in old pilgrim clothes. He is really scared of American Indians and their animal powers. Jarl secretly likes jokes, but damn, he’ll never smile and always be all serious.

So, anyway, in 4708 Jarl, the Pilgrim Ghost and Skye Zanzibar were hanging out in an abandoned building. Skye Zanzibar was drinking some Aztec coffee and Jarl was standing there all serious.

“Jah, the streets are very crowded and I can hardly go anywhere without turning invisible, which is very tiring.”

“Yes, Jarl, overpopulation is a serious concern. Maybe we can solve it. Trust me, it’s only going to get worse. In 5322 a large portion of New York will sink because there’s too much weight from overpopulation. That makes me a bit sad.”

“Gronk,” Ook said.

Then they saw across the building and through the window and over at the next building some scientists were working on something in a secret lab.

“I have never seen them before. This whole area was abandoned,” Jarl said.

“They have electricity, so they must have a generator. They look pretty serious. Should we go ask them what they’re up to?” Skye said.

“Gronk.”

So, Skye and Ook walked over and Jarl floated with them.

They walked up the stairs to the building.

“Jarl, you should turn invisible. You don’t want to scare them,” Skye said.

“Me, scare them? You are dressed like a spaceman and you walk with a caveman.”

“Never mind with the jokes, wiseguy,” Skye said.

Jarl disappeared.

Skye Zanzibar walked into the lab. It looked like they were making a really, really hot soup. There were about ten scientists. They all had their heads completely covered with gear. They had guns too. Mac-10 submachine guns.

One of the scientists ran up to him.

“What are you doing here?” The scientist said.

“What are you doing here?” Skye Zanzibar said.

“You need to get out of here, this is our operation.

“I’m sorry, but this building is shut down. You’re all going to have to leave,” Skye said.

Then Skye waved to the scientists, “Come on guys. It’s time to go home. Operation’s over. I’m shutting you down.”

Then the scientist said, “What do you think you’re doing, asshole?”

This made Skye super duper pissed off. Skye Zanzibar hated swearing.

“Woah, there’s no reason to use that kind of language, sir. I just don’t’ want to see anyone get in trouble here with the authorities.”

“F#$k off,” the guy started to pull out his pistol.

Well, remember, as much as Skye Zanzibar hates swearing, Ook of Field LOVES killing bad guys. He cocked his M-60 and started mowing the scientist. Man, that guy was dead like that.

“Let’s not have any more bloodshed, move it or lose it, guys!” Skye yelled to the other scientists. Well, they weren’t listening. They were jumping behind tables and stuff and getting out their Mac-10’s.

It was a gunfight like you’ve never see. Bullets and blood was everywhere.

Then there was this scary sound, like a little girl laughing.

Everyone stopped shooting and a little girl ghost ran through the room. She was totally scary. Like that girl in The Ring, which if you have seen it, it's completely scary and that's how this girl looked. A lot of the scientists screamed and ran away. The one’s that didn’t ate some hot lead from Ook’s M-60. Even Skye screamed and ran away.

When Skye got outside, into the hallway, Jarl came through the wall.

“Skye, I pretended like I was a little girl and scared them all,” Jarl said.

“Good job, Jarl.”

“Why are you out here, Skye?”

“Uh, no reason.” But we know Skye got scared.

They went back in. Most of the scientists were dead from M-60 bullets, Ook of Field was really happy.

He said, “Gronk!”

All three of them went and looked at the really hot soup. Skye felt inside the liquid with a tool. There was something in there.

“Stand back, friends,” Skye said.

He poured the soup out onto the floor. There was big egg in the soup. It rolled onto the floor and cracked. Then it cracked some more. Something inside the egg was moving. As it cooled and the soup dripped off, the thing inside came to life more and more.

The egg cracked open and a head stuck out.

It was a mummy monster!

To be continued…

Forget last post

Forget that last post, it completely didn't happen at all.
None of that stuff is real.

Skye's Wonderful Adventure

Hi, this is Eva.

I’m writing about Skye Zanzibar today.

Skye was in the wonderful time of flowers. They would be known as the flower years.

Skye had grown his hair out and it was long and flowed like the wild river.

Skye traveled to the Sugarheart Forest to find the magic crystal flower that would give him the power to free his pet Pegasus. Then they would fly with freedom to the highest rainbow.

On his way to Sugarheart Forest, Skye met a very very pretty princess named Princess Eva. She told Skye, “For a kiss, I will show you the path to the crystal flower.”

But, before Skye could kiss her, cavemen attacked. Their evil leader was named Ook. They grabbed Princess Eva, but Skye said, “Unhand that princess, caveman! She’s with me.”

Skye used his golden sunshine beam and his candy sparkle popcorn ray and the cavemen were scared and ran away.

The sleeves to Skye’s shirt were ripped off, but he hugged Princess Eva and they kissed a long and romantic kiss.

Then Princess Eva’s unicorn named Kevin came. He was all purple with a black birthmark of a shooting star on his backside. His mane was wild and pink. His eyes were green and his horn was big and pink. Kevin was a wild stallion.

Skye and Princess Eva climbed onto Kevin and ran through the forest.

They ran past the elf village of Strawberry Canyon and through the field of Fancy Dream Clovers. They visited with the Twinkle Rainbow Mermaids of Whisper Lagoon, and they stopped for a tea party and played with kitties at Kassandra Lemonade’s Purpleberry Fantasy Cottage.

When at last they made it to the magical crystal flower, Skye dismounted Kevin and said, “Princess Eva, you have brought me to the center of Sugarheart Forest. I owe you so much for saving my Pegasus.”

“Another kiss will do,” Princess Eva said.

They did another long and romantic kiss. It lasted for over one whole minute.

Princess Eva climbed onto Kevin and rode away.

Then Skye was attacked by the cavemen again. This time they brought a giant named, Goodkill. Skye and Goodkill fought a long battle and finally Skye used the wonderful power of love in his Tenderheart Beam to turn Goodkill against the cavemen and they ran off with Goodkill chasing them. It was very funny.

Skye picked up the magical crystal flower and it gave him the power to fly up to the clouds, where his Pegasus, named Candyflower, was trapped in a trap laid by the cloud goblins of Blackstain jungle.

Skye broke the magical crystal flower on the goblin’s trap and it sprung open. Skye jumped on the back of Candyflower and they soared off into the wild blue sky.

Then they saw Princess Eva racing over a green clover hill on Kevin.

Skye and Candyflower swooped down. Princess Eva was crying. She said, “I thought I would never see you again, Skye. Now you’re here and I’m so happy!”

They got married beside the Starglow Lake and King Butterscotch presided over the wedding.

Kevin and Candyflower had twelve babies and they all had wings and horns.

It was the happiest day in all the land.

Agent Orange 3

...continued.
Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field did a 180 turn.
CRACKS!
Agent Orange knocked Ook’s ass out with a big log.
“Now, I will strangle your body until you are dead.”
“Keep your hands off my body, mister.”

Just as Agent Orange was about to strangle Skye, Skye put his cosmic energy wrist blaster in Agent Orange’s face.
“How about a taste of a little cosmic energy, pal?”
Skye fired.
Agent Orange laughed. He was not hurt at all.
“I am blessed by a thousand Aztec priests of the highest order, sacrificing a thousand women and children a day with 10,000 tears and 100,000 drops of innocent blood. I have powers you do not understand.”
“I understand magic, because I understand science, I understand science because I wasn’t a fool and stayed in school.”
Skye Zanzibar pulled his six shooter out of his holster.

BLAM!

Agent Orange dodged, but part of his fur trenchcoat got shot.
Agent Orange did a back spinning kick and knocked Skye’s pistol. It flew to the ground.
Agent Orange kept spinning and did a big punch to Skye’s stomach. POW.
Skye toppled to the ground. He sure had the wind knocked out of him.
This was the first time Skye got his butt kicked in a fight.
Agent Orange picked Skye up and threw him around like a little kid.
Skye was all dizzy and he fell down.
“Wait, what is your name, why are you trying to give me a case of the death?”
“I am Agent Orange and the government has hired me to kill all those who oppose it.”
“Your government is evil, Agent Orange. It needs to be taken down and rebuilt with more understanding and caring. People don’t want to die for Aztec rituals.”
Agent Orange looked into Skye Zanzibar’s eyes and knew he was right. Killing for the government was wrong.
Agent Orange tore off his gloves and burned them with fire.
“I will use my life to fight for mankind and good things and against the government of the state of California and their evil ways.”
Agent Orange untied all the freedom fighters and shook their hands.
“I’m sorry I killed your brothers. I will make it up to you by killing bad guys that work for the government. I promise you, in the name of freedom I will kill at least 1,850 men. That was the year that California was admitted into the United States.”
The freedom fighters and Agent Orange all hugged.
Skye woke Ook up. He had a lump on his head.
Ook of Field said, “Gronk!”
Skye Zanzibar said, “You can say that again, Ook.”
Everyone totally laughed, even Agent Orange.

Agent Orange 2

“Good to meet you man.”
Skye shook hands with all the freedom fighters.
“Why you in here?” One of them asked.
“Ook got us in trouble when he ate a cop’s hand.”
“Man, that’s rough.”
Skye and Ook became friends with the freedom fighters.

They did push-ups together and practiced MMA.

One time Skye said, “Things are backwards here and I do not like to hurt cops or break laws but we have to get out of here and escape.”
“Gronk!” Ook of Field said.
“That’s true Ook, if I can get my suit, I can turn 2-D and escape. I think we’ll have to use a trick to get to the bottom of this one.”

That night Skye Zanzibar pretended like he had really bad diarrhea. You can’t mess around with the runs and everyone knows that.
The guard on duty brought him out of the cell and Skye jumped up in the air and did a sweet kick right in the guard’s head. He was knocked the heck out.
“Come on, friends.”
Skye Zanzibar let the freedom fighters and Ook of Field out. But the other prisoners had to stay. “I don’t know your crimes, you could be really mean guys. Doghead, I heard you talking about doing rapes and murders, you are DEFINITELY evil.”
Doghead nodded and the rest of the prisoners agreed it would not be right if they escaped.
“Good luck, Skye Zanzibar.” Doghead said.
Skye Zanzibar shook Doghead’s hand and said, “I hope you learn your lesson from jail, Doghead. Murders and rapes don’t do anyone any good.”
“I think I have, Sky Zanzibar, I think I have,” Doghead said.

Skye found his suit and put it on.
They all got to the roof of the jail.
“Now let’s fly!”
Tear spurted out and they all jumped on his back and flew away.

The problem was that Agent Orange was watching them. He cracked his knuckles and thought about strangling.

Tear landed out in the woods.
“We need to make some plans,” the leader of the freedom fighters said.
They sat around and made some plans.

Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field went down to a stream to skip some rocks and talk about old times and future times.
“Should we help these guys, Ook?”
“Gronk!”
“Yeah, maybe we should. This government is really evil. I can’t believe they have Burn Camps for regular people. Burn camps should only be for criminals and atheists. Because every man must believe in something better than him.”
“Gronk!”
“Yes, Ook, I believe in the religion, Science of Magic.”
“Gronk!”
“We’ll help them topple this government and then we’ll go forward in time and see if we made a difference.”
“Gronk!”
“True, we never make a difference. But there’s a first time for anything.”

Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field went back to the camp but to their surprise the freedom fighters were all tied up.
“What’s going on?”
“Look out, Skye Zanzibar,” one of the freedom fighters said.
“Too late, little friend,” Agent Orange said from behind Skye and Ook.

to be continued...

Agent Orange

In the year 4969, the state government of California was really evil.

They would get people on crimes they didn’t really commit and then send them to Burn Camps where they would sacrifice them to their Aztec gods and give rich, government people, powers and magic spells.

The governor was a magician named Cuactomoc Jones and he had made these magic orange gloves that whenever they were used to kill someone, Governor Cuactomoc Jones would get more magic power.

There was this huge guy named Agent Orange. He was like seven foot tall. He strangled people that his government wanted him to strangle. He was silent AND deadly. He was working for the Aztec government of America.

Agent Orange had the magic orange gloves.
There were lots of rebels and the government said, “They need to be crushed.”
Agent Orange nodded his big ass head. He didn’t talk much.
That night while some rebels were camped out in the woods Agent Orange snuck into their camp.
The two leaders were making plans in their tent, “We must wait for the shipment of guns and then we will be ready to strike the capitol of California.” Which was not called Sacramento, it was called Calli-Cozcacuauhtli, which means Vulture House. I don’t know why it was called that, it just was.
Then the second in charge said, “Goodnight.”
And the first in charge of the rebels was alone.
“Hello,” Agent Orange said in a Russian accent.
“Who are you, sucka?”
“I am the man who is the last man you will see alive.”
Agent Orange strangled the leader until he was dead.
Agent Orange stole a bunch of secret plans and papers.

The next day the whole camp was bombed off the Earth. Planes dropped tons of bombs and killed most of the freedom fighters.
Then the cops and Aztec army went in and arrested the survivors. There were five of them.
The freedom fighters got thrown in jail. They sat down on the floor and looked around, there were some really tough guys in there including one with a rotweiller head instead of a human head, so you know he liked to fight. Everyone called him Doghead.

Sitting across from the freedom fighters was a really handsome guy and a caveman.
“Hey dude, what’s your name?”
“My name is Skye Zanzibar. This is my caveman friend, Ook of Field.”

to be continued...

10 Things About Ook of Field

1. Ook of Field is from 176,351 B.C.

2. Ook of field prefers to be called a caveman. He likes being associated with modern men.

3. Ook loves hookers and sex. Ook loves drinking and smoking Kool cigarettes too.

4. Ook wears rags, goggles he stole from Charles Lindbergh, and carries an M-60 .

5.Ook of Field was born, raised, and lived in the same field until he met Sky Zanzibar and was whisked away for fun and adventures.

6. Ook of Field once knocked out Babe Ruth when the Babe called Ook of Field names and tried to make himself look cool in front of some women.

7. Ook is quiet and simple. He likes to think of new things.

8. Ook gets confused by a lot of color.

9. Ook ‘s woman and kids died of disease. He was very unhappy when he met Sky Zanzibar. Since then, Ook of Field has been to seven different time periods, some of those he and Zanzibar have gone to multiple times.

10. Ook of Field once kissed Sky Zanzibar while Zanzibar was sleeping. Ook of Field had been partying with some “Jazz Men” in New York on May 3, 1927. He got back to their hotel room a little late and Zanzibar was already asleep. Ook of Field just gave him a little kiss on the cheek. He wanted to go further but Zanzibar stirred.

Likes and Dislikes

Skye Zanzibar hates to swim.
He loves to exercise and eat healthy.
He doesn't drink or smoke but he loves beating the holy crap out of bad guys and scoundrels.
He doesn't like porn or other smut, but he respects all womans.
Skye Zanzibar loves riding on Tear, his pterodactyl, and putting up his faceshield and feeling the wind.
Skye Zanzibar's favorite food is hamburgers.
His favorite color is vanilla.
Sometimes Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field wrestle to improve their strength and combat skills. Ook has badass caveman strength and he almost always wins unless Skye uses his brain and does a trick.

Lil Skye

This was an adventure Skye didn’t remember from being a kid, even though he probably should have.
There was one time when Skye was in the year 6630, and he actually found himself as a kid. It was amazing and he and Ook watched his house and saw his mom come outside and send Lil Skye off to school.
Ook stayed and Big Skye went to the school and spied and watched Lil Skye at school and at the end of the day he watched Lil Skye go home and Big Skye walked up and said, “Hey Skye Zanzibar, I’m you in the future. I just wanted to check me out when I was a kid and it’s very strange because you’re way better looking than I remember. By the way in your future you will get this sweet ass suit and travel in time. You’ll see dinosaurs and see times before 3333 when the Aztecs came back.”
“Sweet. Are you really me or are you one of those astronaut, clone, child molesters that the news keeps warning us about?”
“I’m really you, man. Trust me.”
Lil Skye did trust him.
They walked and talked and Big Skye told Lil Skye all the sweet stuff he would do in the future and told him not to be scared of pretty girls and just talk with them because they just want to talk about feelings and cuddle and that’s just as cool as punching and jumping.
They walked up to the door and Lil Skye opened it.
“This was nice, my dad died last year and you’re being like my dad and telling me good stuff I can use.”
“I know Lil Skye.”
“Do you have a caveman friend that travels with you in time?”
“Wow, how did you know, Lil Skye?”
Lil Skye opened the door all the way and Big Skye saw empty bottles of Aztec Vodka all over the floor. On the couch Ook of Field was boning Skye’s mom really strongly.
“Ook, that’s my mom!”
“Gronk!”
JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJT!

Aztec Murder

This story started out with Skye Zanzibar in the middle of a dusty street. He was in the old west and he was having a showdown with an outlaw by the name of Ace Stronglove. Ace was twitching like he was ready to draw.

People were watching, very nervous.

One lady even fainted because Skye Zanzibar was so handsome and she didn’t want to see him die.

Skye Zanzibar stretched his fingers, ready to grab at his six shooter.

Then Ook of Field charged out into the street and tackled Skye Zanzibar to the ground

“Gronk!” Ook yelled.

“Why are you stopping me Ook? Ace Stronglove hit a woman, I have to defend her good honor.”

“Gronk.” Ook said sadly.

“You’re totally right Ook, I could never win.”

With the twist of a time dial.

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJT!

Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field were off to another time.

(If you are mad because you thought this story was going to be an old west story, I’m sorry. I’ll get back to an old west story sometime soon.)

Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field ended up smack dab in the middle of a crime scene.

It was a big house in the year 3583, there was a dead Aztec business man on the floor. He was stabbed to death with a weapon.

BUT before he died he wrote some numbers in his own blood on the floor

7891011.

An Aztec lady walked in and screamed and pressed her police button on the wall.

“You killed my husband because he’s a rich man!”

“I didn’t do it, lady. I just got here.”

“How did you get in my house with all my security, you killed him.”

“Man, just believe me, I didn’t do it. I don’t even know your husband.”

Skye heard sirens and he almost crapped his pants with fear.

“Ook, I don’t want to leave the name of Skye Zanzibar as a bad name in any time. We have to find out who killed this rich businessman and get our names cleared.”

“Gronk!”

Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field ran.

“Sorry lady, I didn’t do this murder, but I’m going to find out who did.”

“I don’t believe you, you’re a crazy spaceman with a caveman and you got into my house through security and killed my husband. You’re a liar.”

Skye and Ook jumped out the window.

The lady opened her secrutiy and the cops came in.

The boss of the cops was fat with a moustache with food in it and he said, “We heard your call and came. What happened to your dead husband?”

“The guys that did it jumped out the window.”

“Private, go around and look for them. They are our greatest suspects.”

“Yes, sir.”

Meanwhile, Skye and Ook went into hiding. Skye actually took off his uniform and Ook put on some clothes they found and they sort of blended. The style was future from ours and a little different. Most men had beards with no moustache and most women had Mohawks. Hey, if one famous Aztec does it, everyone does it. People wore lots of beads.

Skye knew how to talk in Aztec language because they ruled in his time 6649.

Skye and Ook went to a huge mall. There were so many stores and the mall was eight stories tall. They went and read comics at one store and ate at Coatl-Burger, an Aztec burger place.

“We have to think about this Ook, what did those numbers mean and who would kill a man in his own home.”

It became night and they had nowhere to go, so they slept under the stars. A lot of people liked to camp out in that time period, not just bums.

Aztecs love looking at stars at night so the richest ones live on the tops of buildings.

Ook played a little dice with some mean looking guys by the docks. He kept losing his money, which was shells.

The next morning Skye was reading the newspaper. It said that suspects were on the run in the murder. It said that the business man had tons of friends and his wife said that he had three enemies that were other business men that wanted to buy his business. They were Thomas Itzli, Jason Acalan, and Tim Tochtli.

Then Ook of Field saw some coppers moving in, but it was too late. The cops threw a huge net over Skye and Ook and pointed about sixty guns at them. Skye Zanzibar would never hurt a cop, unless he was a crooked cop, so he and Ook had to give up, man they were pissed off.

The jail of 3583 was pretty much the same except that Skye and Ook had to share their cell with hookers. The hookers were hot, but they had bad smells and scratchy, deep voices. Ook was all about the hookers. He was making out with them using tongue.

Skye was deadly serious and the cops told him he could keep his suit because if he used it, he would just be in more trouble.

Skye was thinking and thinking and then he thought of something really good.

He told Ook, “Old friend, you are like my brother that I never had, but I’m going to get out of here and solve our mystery, but I will come back for you, dear brother. Do not think that I won’t, because I WILL.” Skye turned 2-D and slipped out the window.

Ook didn’t really care because he was getting hot action from the hookers.

Skye Zanzibar engaged Tear and flew above the city.

Rich Aztec people that lived on rooftops saw him and crapped their pants at the pterodactyl.

There was a huge house and the doorbell rang. A butler answered it.

There was Skye Zanzibar, “Is this the mansion of Thomas Itzli?”

“Yeeeeeeeees.”

“Where was Mr. Itzli on the night of the murder?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let me talk with him.”

“I can’t he has been in Japan for two weeks.”

“Then he must be innocent. He wasn’t here. Arigato.”

That was one suspect down and two to go.

Skye went to Jason Acalan’s mansion.

The butler let him in to see Mr. Acalan and they sat and had Aztec coffee. Which has the bones of men in it.

“It’s none of your business at all where I was that night, Mr. Zanzibar.”

Mr. Acalan was really cocky and Skye didn’t trust him one lick.

“Well, there was a murder and you should tell me where you were to clear your name.”

“I’m not going to tell you, it’s my business. Maybe I was doing something that was really embarrassing like visiting hookers or doing drugs.”

“You’ll see lots of hookers in jail if you did it. I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Right over there.”

Skye Zanzibar walked down the hall to the bathroom. He walked past a calendar, it was put to July, even though it was August.

“Someone should change that, but it’s none of my business.”

Skye went pee.

Jason Acalan called the cops while Skye was in the bathroom.

“I have that guy that escaped from jail that looks like a spaceman, come pick him up.”

When Skye got out of the bathroom he was really excited.

“You did the murder, Jason Acalan! I know it was you. The number was 7-8-9-10-11. That stands for the months, July, August, Sept., October and November. If you take the first letter of each, that spells Jason. You were still in the room when he wrote that, that’s why he did it in code. You’re guilty mister.”

“You’re right but you’ll never catch me. You escaped from jail, so you look way more guilty than me. I got away with murder. Hahahaha.”

Just then the cops busted in and the same cop that was fat with a moustache was there,

“Back to jail, Mr. Skye Zanzibar.”

“Wait, I have proof this gentleman, here, Jason Acalan was guilty.”

Skye Zanzibar whipped out his iPhone and he was recording the whole time since he got out of the bathroom.

“Looks like we were wrong about you, Skye Zanzibar. Men lock up Jason Acalan for the murder.”

Skye said, “I have the disc from my iPhone if you want to keep it, sir. Then you’ll have the proof.”

The cop said, “That’s okay Mr. Zanzibar, I can see by your face you’re a good man.”

Jason Acalan went to jail and in the court he was found GUILTY! And he sacrificed to the gods so an old Aztec man could learn a spell to turn red apples into green ones.

At the jail, Ook of Field was let out. He and Skye Zanzibar did a HARD high-5.

Then they hugged.

“I’ve missed you old friend. You’re the best.” Skye was almost crying he was so happy, but he’s no wimp.

Ook of Field kissed his hooker friends goodbye.

With the twist of a time dial,

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJT!

Thanks for the PICS

Thanks to my friends and family for emailing sweet pics for me to put up.
Thanks!

Steve

Things were crazy in 2911. The president was named Big Jake Lake and he made all serial killing legal. People were just killing everyone in the streets.
Some scientist that lived in an old warehouse said that he could make people live forever if they wanted and then they couldn’t be killed by serial killers, which tons of people were.

A guy named Steve. He was always mad and wore a dress shirt with a loose tie and rolled up sleeves and he was losing some hair in front and had a mean black moustache said, “sign me up, there’s no way I’m going to die by serial killers.”
Steve paid tons of money without his wife knowing and went to the old warehouse. The scientist had three monkeys in cages and some rats he was doing science on.
One rat had almost a hundred eyes.
Steve laid down where he was supposed to and said, “Do the best work you can, doc.”
The doc had an evil smile.

When Steve woke up he could see and hear but he couldn’t move. It looked like he was in dirty water with cigarette butts floating by.
Steve couldn’t move any part of his body at all.
“What the heck did you do to me, crazy Doc?”
The doc laughed and tapped on the glass in front of Steve.
Steve was a brain in a jar!
He was so pissed off, he couldn’t even believe it.
The evil scientist said, “You’re just a brain, but you’re an invulnerable brain. Just stay in liquid and you won’t dry out. That’s the only way for you to die.”
“Damn you doc, you’re evil and if I hand hands and a gun, I’d shoot you down.”
So, for a long time Steve was just hanging out on a table. He watched the sun go up and down. He missed his woman. The lab rats died from no food and the three monkey were getting really hungry too.

One night when the scientist, his name was Dr. Ramses, by the way, was at the store, Steve’s table was sitting by the window and there was a storm and a piece of lightening shot into the jar. The water was zapped and boiled and went crazy. Steve felt power surge through his brain. Steve could now talk with the monkeys and they could understand him like a dog understands his master.
Steve taught the monkeys how to open their cages.
The monkeys grabbed his jar and some machetes.
Dr. Ramses walked in and was like, “What the heck is going on here? This is messed up and if you leave I will hunt you down like an animal.”
Steve yelled, “Better an animal than a vegetable or a mineral!”
Steve and his monkeys split.
Dr. Ramses got a pistol from a drawer and shot at them but he missed.
“I will find you and kill you!”

Later that year Steve and his monkeys were living in an abandoned building. Steve was always pissed. He just had a bad attitude.
“Damn monkey, crapping everywhere. Bring me over by the window, not you, you! Hurry up, damn ape.” The monkeys just tossed the jar around like a ball.
The sun felt good.
Then Steve saw Dr. Ramses with two assassins. They were named:
The Executor, he was covered in bionics and metal with white costume. He had machine gun pistols.
Python Hyena, he was a tall Japanese assassin that moved like a slithering snake but always chuckled to himself like a hyena, and he used a knife to kill or sometimes wrapped around his target and gave them the big squeeze. Python Hyena was so evil he killed women and children. Executor lived by the code, like most hitmen, no women, no children.
Steve was hella scared because he though they would kill his monkeys and break his jar and he would sit out and dry up and die.
There was nowhere for Steve to go because serial killing was totally legal.
One of the monkeys grabbed Steve and began taking him into another part of the building.
“Where are you taking me, you flea bitten, dirtball?”
The monkey brought steve to a man who was asleep in a closet. The man had on a red and white spacesuit that looked freakin sweet and awesome and rad!!!
The man was Skye Zanzibar.
Next to the sleeping man was a real caveman.
You can guess who that was.
“Wake up you space bum and caveman. I need help and you have it.”
Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field woke up.
“Wow, you can talk without lips or a body and you can see me without eyes and your monkeys have machetes,” Skye Zanzibar said.
“That’s right and some serial killer assassins and an evil doctor are coming to kill me and my monkeys, I could use a hand.”
Skye adjusted his uniform and Ook of Field cocked his M-60.
“I hate serial killers. I hate assassins, and I hate evil doctors that want to kill cute monkeys. Let’s do this thing,” Skye Zanzibar said.
Ook nodded.
They all got on the roof and dove off, down on top of the assassins.
There was a huge, kicking butt, fight.
Executor tried to execute Skye Zanzibar and they ran through the abandoned building shooting at each other. There were bullets flying and cosmic energy rays shooting. They kept missing each other and Executor kept yelling at Skye Zanzibar to give up and said swear words at him. Skye ignored him and concentrated on winning the fight.
Ook of Field got wrapped up by Python Hyena and was getting the life squeezed out of him. His face was all red and big, like a balloon.
Steve’s monkeys were throwing his jar back and forth while Dr. Ramses tried to shoot Steve.
Then, Executor had Skye Zanzibar in his sights. Skye was dead for sure, no way he could get out of the way fast enough.
Executor fired his machinegun pistol, but at the last second Skye Zanzibar turned sideways. Skye was in his 2-D form and all the bullets whizzed by his super super thin body. But Skye’s cosmic energy laser still worked in 2-D form. He fired and blasted Executor. Executor’s bionics got shredded and blown but his human part was still barely alive.
“I’ll get revenge on you, Skye Zanzibar.”
“How did you know my name, mister?” Skye said.
“I’m your ancestor, I recognize your DNA with my bionic eye.”
“I’ll never believe that someone as evil as you could be my ancestor, I’m a good person who believes every person is special.”
But Skye knew a liar and Executor was a killer but not a liar. Skye thought a lot about Executor being his relative for a long time.

Meanwhile, Dr. Ramses was almost going to get Steve. Two monkeys kept throwing Steve back and forth and then the third monkey snuck up behind Dr. Ramses with his machete.
“This ends right now, Steve. Now, I have you.”
“I don’t’ think so, turn around.”
“I won’t fall for that one, it’s an old one.”
“Fine.”
The monkey stabbed Dr. Ramses in the back and killed him.
Skye Zanzibar, Steve, and his monkeys went over to where Ook of Field was being strangled by Python Hyena.
“Looks like you need some help, old friend,” Skye Zanzibar said.
Ook nodded and said, “Gronk.”
Skye pointed his cosmic energy laser at Python Hyena’s head and Steve’s monkeys did the same with their machetes.
Skye said, “You’re finished. Go tell all the other assassins and serial killers that Steve and his monkeys are off limits! If anyone tries anything I’ll come looking for them.”
Skye made a notch on one of his time dials to show that he could always come back to this time period if he wanted.
Python Hyena slithered away laughing.
“Your caveman friend sure got the squeeze.” Steve said.
“It looks like you are a friend, Steve. It also looks like two of your monkey’s are main squeezes.”
They looked over and two of Steve’s monkeys were doing it.
“You filthy, flea bitten, dirtbags!” Steve yelled.

The K.O. Kid

Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field were in the 1930’s for a while. It was when Ook drank a lot of liquor and Skye did a lot of crime fighting.

The K.O. Kid was a boxer in 1931. He was a middleweight. He was pretty badass and had won all of his fights. K.O. Kid lived in New York City with his mom and his little brother that everyone called Kid Quick.

Kid Quick was all sick and had something growing in his guts called a tumor and it was going to kill him if he didn’t get surgery on it. His mom and K.O. Kid were really sad and had strong feelings. K.O. Kid said to his mom, “I don’t care about anything. I just want Quick to get better with surgery and be happy and then you’ll be really happy.”

K.O. Kid was going to have a famous match with Vic Paradise. The Kid knew he was going to win because he was the better of the two men. His punches were way harder and he could move way faster than Vic Paradise.

K.O. Kid went to a bar dressed up in a costume with a hat, a long trenchcoat and a fake moustache and sweet sideburns and bet all his money on himself. If K.O. Kid won his match then he would have enough money for Kid Quick’s surgery and a little left over for a new brush for his mom.

K.O. Kid was in the locker room right before his fight with Vic Paradise. His trainer was named Doc and he was slapping K.O. Kid’s back and rubbing his muscles so he could be even faster. Then four really mean gangsters came in.

One said, “My name is Steel Jorge and you need to lose this fight in the third round. You need to pretend that you get knocked out. I made other guys pretend to get knocked out when you did matches with them and now it’s your turn, Kid.”

K.O. Kid was pissed off. He thought he won all his matches fair AND square.

No way was he going to lose and then not get his winnings and have his little brother die from bad guts! No way!

But K.O. Kid was clever and said, “yeah whatever. I’ll do the loss.”

In the ring K.O. Kid beat up Clint Paradise real bad. It was tense when the third round came and K.O. Kid could see Steel Jorge in the audience with his men.

Man, it was so tense. Mac was praying to God.

K.O. Kid did one of his famous uppercuts and really hurt Paradise. He did another uppercut and then he wound up and did the ultimate uppercut!

Clint Paradise fell out of the ring and onto Steel Jorge’s lap. Paradise was dead.

K.O. Kid ran out of the building after the referee raised his hand that he was the winner.

The goons chased him, but K.O. Kid hid in an alley.

The goons were yelling “we know you’re in there K.O. Kid, there’s no way out except through us and our guns!”

K.O. Kid was about to give up, he was almost crying a little bit because he thought of his little brother, Kid Quick, and he knew Quick was going to die soon. Maybe right after he died from being shot to DEATH by goons.

Just then there was a big shadow over the whole alley. You couldn’t even see the moon. The goons looked up and there was a giant pterodactyl over them, about to eat the hell out of them. It was Tear and on his back was Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field. Ook had his M-60 on a tripod and he started firing hot lead. The bullets turned the goons into liquid. Blood was everywhere.

“Come on, were here to help, we were following the goons when we saw their guns,” Skye yelled down.

K.O. Kid hopped on the back of Tear and looked at Skye Zanzibar in his eyes and he knew Skye Zanzibar was a good man. Skye knew the same thing about the K.O. Kid.

They flew.

But things were not so easy. Goons were everywhere and they shot Tear from a rooftop.

Tear landed and woowoowoowoowoowoowoo! He jumped back into Skye Zanzibar’s watch to heal.

Skye Zanzibar, K.O. Kid, and Ook of Field had to run through the worst neighborhood in New York to get to the bar with K.O. Kid’s money. It was like a war. Goons were shooting at them from windows and rooftops.

Ook mowed some down with his M-60.

One goon tried to stab K.O. Kid, but ended up dead from an ultimate uppercut.

Skye Zanzibar was using his liquid cosmic energy blaster on his wrist to shoot goons.

Skye was really careful not to hurt innocents but Ook of Field was just shooting so many bullets. There were bullet shells all over the sidewalk and for years kids would find them and use them as whistles and say, “It’s the call of the caveman, sucka!”

Steel Jorge was at the end of the alley and K.O. Kid yelled, "I can win any fight I don't need your help having people pretend to be knocked out. I can knock people out for real and here it goes."
They K.O. Kid did the hardest uppercut he ever did before and Steel Jorge's jawbone flew out of his mouth and he was unconscious.

They finally made it to the bar after tons of action.

“Give me my money, mister.”

“I don’t know you.”

K.O. Kid put on his fake moustache, “Do you see me now, mister.”

“Yes sir.”

K.O. Kid got his money and they ran like how fast lightening is and went to the hospital where Kid Quick and momma was.

K.O. Kid slapped down the money and said, “Now fix my little brother because I love him like a brother.”

Momma cried.

Kid Quick said, “K.O. doesn’t stand for knockout. It stands for ‘Kindness’ and ‘Olives’ because you are kind and I always thought you smelled like olives.”

Skye Zanzibar said, “No Kid Quick, that’s not olives. That’s called B.O., body odor.”

Everyone totally laughed.

Powers

Note: All of Skye Zanzibar’s “powers” come from his suit which was custom made by Zandar and Sons uniform shop. The red color is standard with all members of the Time Traveling Club of New Guanajuato.

1. 2-D space self. Skye Zanzibar can turn his body into 2-D. From straight on he appears normal, but from the side you can’t even see him. This makes him to sneak under doors and by standing against a wall, he can look like a painting on that wall.
2. Wrist blasters shoot out cosmic energy harnessed through solar capure cells. These blasts are very deadly. They look like streaming blasts of liquid light.
   
3. His helmet gives Skye Zanzibar night vision.
4. Skye Zanzibar’s suit has a B.O.L.ToN. armor rating of six.
5. Skye Zanzibar has a standard XF model beast capture device. It looks like a common wristwatch but it holds a pterodactyl. This pterodactyl is named Tear and has a platform affixed to it’s back, large enough to hold six men. Tear is fed and groomed while in the XF BCD so as to prevent him from eating humans.
6. Time travelling dials. When Skye Zanzibar twists these dials he goes through time. Skye Zanzibar never know where in time. But sometimes he makes a notch in his suit so he knows where to put his dials for a certain year.
   

Dance, Skye, Dance!

How Ook of Field Got his Badass Goggles

This is the story of how Ook of Field got his badass goggles and what he and Skye Zanzibar were doing in the 1930's.

In Feb. 1932 Skye Zanzibar and Ook of Field found themselves in New York. Sky was learning about mummies at night by sneaking into the New York Museum at night by turning himself 2-D and sliding under the doors. Skye was also fighting crime. Skye Zanzibar caught 14 criminals in March and killed two. They were when the bank robbers would not stop shooting at Skye Zanzibar and Skye was yelling at them, “Stop shooting! Give up and I will take it easy on you fellas!”

They shot at Skye some more from inside the bank.

Skye waited until they were out of bullets to shoot him. He ran into the bank as fast as he could. Skye Zanzibar jumped up in the air and fired two beams of liquid cosmic energy from his forearm blaster and killed the bank robbers. They just wouldn’t give up. Their names were Knuckles Thompson and Dave Kane. They were big guys but when you use guns on Skye Zanzibar he will use escalation of force, just like the police do nowadays.

Ook was doing a lot of partying during that time. He was hanging out with jazzmen in bars, listening to crazy jazz music and drinking drinks all night long. I don’t mean soda, I mean the hard stuff.

One night Babe Ruth himself came into the bar. Ook of Field was hanging with his jazzmen friends, just chilling and The Babe tried to make himself look cool in front of some girls.

The Babe said, “Hey look at that guy. Is he some kind of caveman? I heard cavemen were real dumb and stupid.”

The jazzmen told Ook of Field, “Cool it, brother. The Babe is just trying to look cool in front of those girls.”

Then The Babe said, “I don’t like no stinking caveman. Cavemen smell like crap and dirt.”

Ook of Field just couldn’t take it any longer. He jumped up and slugged The Babe a good one right in his chin. Like Joe Rogan says, "he hit him right on the button." The Babe went down hard and was passed out. All the girls were like, “Ook is hot.” “I would totally do Ook.” One just kissed him without saying anything first. She used tongue too.

Later when Ook got back to the hotel he was living at with Skye, Skye Zanzibar was already asleep. Ook was trashed. He was drunk off his ass. He looked at Skye Zanzibar while Skye was sleeping and then Ook kissed Skye. Ook wanted to go farther, but Skye moved a little, like he was going to wake up.

Later, on March first Ook told Skye he wanted some sweet ass goggles like Charles Lindberg, the pilot. Bugs and dirt was getting in Ook’s eyes when he and Skye were flying on Tear, because Tear had a platform on his back that could hold about six men if they held onto the ropes.

So, Skye Zanzibar hated stealing, but no one had goggles like Charles Lindberg so Skye gave Ook a bunch of money to leave behind and they got a ladder from some guy’s garage and they flew Tear to Charles Lindberg’s house. Ook snuck into the house and stole the goggles.

Ook stole a bunch of stuff and Skye was really mad, he got most mad when he saw Ook stole a baby.

“You will put that baby back, Ook. Please.”

Oook went to put the baby back, but instead he ate it.

Chassey Cumberland.

Skye is engaged to get married to Chassey Cumberland. She is from the really, really rich family of Cumberland’s. They got their fortune from making the best rubber bands in the world. Chassey is completely hot, not like Christina Aguilera or someone like that, but she is hot in a more real way, like Avril Lavigne. The big problem is that Skye is lost in time and he cannot figure out the dials on his time travelling suit to get back to his time. Skye Zanzibar is not dumb, it’s just really hard to figure out.

One time Skye Zanzibar got really close to his time. It was a sad thing, though.

When he got there Chassey was an old lady. She had been missing Skye so much she prayed to Aztec witchdoctors and they drained her energy and all her money.

Chassey was living on the streets of Mascarado City like a stinky bum. She was almost blind from disease. She had a case of the hand cancer and it hurt to touch stuff. Skye found her through using his detective skills:

1. Roughing up guys
2. He headbutted the head of the mafia and didn’t even care what would happen.
3. He looked for clues
4. He talked to other bums
5. He put word on the street.

Finally Skye Zanzibar found Chassey and it didn’t matter to him that she was old and almost blind and had hand cancer and couldn’t’ touch things. Skye was a real man and loved his woman. Just when he kissed her on her lips, she said, “I love you Skye.”

Then she died.

Skye Zanzibar looked to the heavens (Aztec god heaven, remember) and yelled, “Mictlantecuhtli, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Then a skeleton covered in blood came and danced and made fun of Skye Zanzibar, it was Mictlantecuhtli.

Skye Zanzibar was pissed off! He kicked the bloody skeleton in the head and shot a 10,000,000 watt, 6 million amp blast of liquid cosmic energy at the bloody skeleton. The skeleton didn’t die (he is a god)

“I see that you have love in your heart and are truly sad for this girl, I will put a picture of her in the sky.”

A new star constellation was put in the sky of Chassey.

Skye Zanzibar was still sad and wanted to go back to when he and Chassey were about to be married and times were good.

He tried to twist his dial just a tiny, tiny bit but JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJT!

Skye ended up in the time of 2911, when a serial killer named Big Jake Lake was president and made serial killing legal!

Enough.

Things in the Year 6649

Skye Zanzibar is from the year 6649. Things are very different in the future. They have better computers and tech. Skye’s job was to test new guns that come out to make sure they are great. He also reads comics for quality. He gets paid tons of money for doing these things.

Let me tell you a little more about the world of 6649. The Aztec people came back in 3333. They have been hiding in the middle of hollowed out mountains, waiting for their time to strike. In 3333 they came out of hiding and used their magic to gain control of the world. Now, all positions of power in the world are controlled by Aztecs. Most famous people are Aztecs too.

The Aztecs get their incredible magic powers from sacrificing humans to their gods. Most magic and superpowers are considered science in 6649, but Aztec magic is real magic and scares most people to death.

Skye lives in New Guanajuato, which in our time is called Austin, Texas. It’s still hot there in 6649.

Tear

I forgot to tell you. Tear, Skye's pterodactyl, is not flying around the city. There's no way the cops would let him.
Tear is kept in a watch on Skye's wrist.
If you think that's crazy, maybe you don't want to hear about Skye Zanzibar.
The watch is a B.C.D. or Beast Capture Device which digitizes animals.
When Skye Zanzibar looks at his watch he sees a digital version of Tear. He can feed Tear with the push of a button. Tear also can crap as a digital creature and then there won't be crap all over the city.
Tear is like a Tamagachi (sp?) that were popular a while back.

Enough.

It's time to tell the story (START HERE)

It's time for everyone to hear the story of Skye Zanzibar.
Skye is a great guy. In the year 6649 he joined a club of time travelers and he traveled back in time a bunch of times.
Because Skye was taking so much stuff from the past

1. Ook of Field, caveman from 176,351 B.C.
2. A pistol from the old west, cowboy times, and tons of bullets.
3. A pterodactyl, he calls Tear.
4. Some gold from 1849 in Sacramento.
5. An iphone from now.
6. A copy of Amazing Fantasy #15 in mint condition from the day it came out, so it's still in completely mint condition.

Becasue he took these things and brought them with him, the club (The Time Traveling Club of New Guanajuato) has put Skye's time travelling device on restriction. He can only bring those things backwards and forwards in time and only stuff that he needs. No more treasures to get rich.

Skye's time travelling device is on his chest. It has knobs and dials and looks rad.
His suit sort of looks like a space suit, but it's mostly red with some white. It has a laser that shoots beams of liquid cosmic energy light. The visor lets Skye see in the dark with darkvision. The suit can also make Skye turn 2-D, so he completely flat. If he goes up against a wall he will look like a painting on that wall.
Enough.